Ask anybody who knows me and they’ll tell you that I am a big advocate and spokesperson for The Secret. I myself have watched it probably 50 times or more. However, there was always one part that confused me and I never really got it until now. I was always fascinated with the section that talked about relationships, and how if you focused only on the good that the relationship could be turned around. Little did I know that this information would lead me to a better understanding of exactly what was meant.

I had been dating this guy throughout my entire time at college, and had completely made him the center of my universe. Needless to say, things went completely downhill after we graduated. I thought things would get better if I took some of the pressure off the relationship, and so I suggested the idea that we see other people, although deep in my heart I knew I only wanted to be with him. Unfortunately he didn’t hesitate to say ok, and from there things just kept getting worse. I tried to take it back, trying to tell him that I made a mistake, that I really didn’t mean it, but he refused to take me back, saying he couldn’t just turn the relationship back on like that. There I was, confused and hurt, thinking, “How come it was so easy for him to turn it off?.”

From that point, our relationship became a complete emotional roller coaster for me. Although he didn’t want to be committed to me, he would always say that he wanted to “work it out”, and that he wasn’t seeing anybody else, but that he didn’t want to be committed to me again. This went on for about 3 months – we would stop talking and somehow something would happen and we’d start talking and hanging out again.

During this time I was watching The Secret and really taking to heart the part about appreciation. I figured that I would try anything to fix our relationship. So for about 2 weeks into the 4th month of this cycle I started writing down all the reasons I appreciated him. Miraculously, things started to get a little better. We went out on a couple of dates, we were beginning to have fun again, and I really thought it had worked. I was really pumped up and started to have real faith… until he confessed that he had been seeing someone else. I was floored. However even through this I continued to believe that if I just thought positive thoughts and continued to appreciate him it would get better. He apologized and said he wanted to work things out and we got back together. Again… I really thought it was working.

So we get back together and things are going good… I’m still only focusing on the positive and trying to forgive all the madness, and he seems to be doing all the right things… calling me all the time, texting me, etcetera. Two weeks go by and I finally see him again (we’re long distance), and he breaks up with me, saying he just isn’t attracted to me anymore and needs time to really get himself together because he doesn’t want to drag me along with him. I’m thinking to myself… “Maybe I let some negative thoughts creep in.” So here I am, 5 1/2 months later still trying to think positive.

Now, don’t get me wrong, all this time I’ve been watching The Secret, things were improving within and around me. I was loving myself more, I was being more positive, the atmosphere around me was changing, little serendipitous stuff was happening (I won the lottery twice… small amounts but still 🙂 BUT I was still only focused on him, thinking that the universe would deliver him back (I was visualizing, affirming, writing notes, acting as if, etc), but still nothing major was changing the way I wanted it to… it was only getting worse.

AND THEN… through a conversation about it with my mom, IT FINALLY HIT ME. People have their own intentions too! And although our relationship was getting better at times, overall he didn’t really want the same thing. He was creating so much negative energy towards our relationship himself (lying, cheating, etc), that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t control his thoughts, his intentions, his actions. Really, the only way it would work is if we both wanted it to on some deeper level.

AND THEN I REMEMBERED THE VIDEO: You cannot control other people no matter how hard you try. The only thing we can do is put our “own” wishes, thoughts, dreams out there to the universe, and let it provide. And so, I’ve decided to let him go completely, because his energy was completely consuming all of mine.

I know this story was long, but I wanted to share it because I know a lot of people are trying to stay in abusive relationships (mentally, physically, or emotionally) thinking that if they just use the Secret, he will change. It will only change when both of you are receptive to that change, and usually the universe knows what you really want. For me, in all actuality, deep down in my heart I wanted someone who would see me as the queen I am. Will my x-boyfriend finally come around? Who knows… But after 6 months I’ve decided to let the universe bring me what I truly want, and to continue to fall more in love with myself every day. There is so much more to manifest than a relationship that is completely one-sided and that causes you heartache and pain. I look forward to my prince charming… I know, like I know, like I know… that he’s on his way 🙂

I wanted to say thank you to Rhonda Byrne and all of the cast of The Secret… without the knowledge I learned from you guys and other sources I don’t think I would’ve ever been able to completely let go of this and love myself the way I should.