Truth is a POWERFUL Weapon
By Curtis Zaerr
from Orlando, FL
I write this story only because it is worthy of sharing. It is only because of writing this story that I am able to share with others why "The Secret" has been important to me. It is only by sharing this story that I am able to share my gratitude for life in the manner in which it deserves to be shared. So with that being said, I will begin this somewhat difficult, yet grateful story.
It was the fall of 2004, and my life was not what most would call inspirational. It was a life consumed with unflattering behavior fueled by drugs and alcohol at times. On more than one occasion I remember lying in bed, trying to sleep, only to discover myself praying to God. I prayed for him/her to please give me a sign to bring an end to this maddening behavior I took on. To somehow deliver me from this hell I was living in.
There were the signs, and of course I ignored them. I continued to party, and I continued to participate in this self destructive behavior. It was on one of these nights I CHOSE to ignore the signs when I came home, and prayed a different prayer. This time around it was a prayer of surrender. In this prayer, I asked God to please give me no more signs and to make something happen. Just like all my other prayers, this prayer was answered as well.
October 24, 2004 is a day I will always call the day I was able to recognize God's presence in my life. It was on this day, my life would change forever. It was on this day I was arrested for possession of drugs. It was on this day I would discover what the inside of a jail cell would look like. It was on this day I would discover a little bit more about who I am! I would discover the "Secret".
I lay on the cold and damp jail bunk bed trying to remove myself mentally from the humiliating experience. I would pick up the phone to call a friend only to immediately put it back down. I would do this for what seemed like hours. I would do this to put off the inevitable...to speak to the very person who I had an argument with earlier that night. To make a long story short, my friend came and picked me up and took me home. She provided me with nothing other than support.
This is just part of the story. I would enter a court ordered drug rehab center. It was in this center I would discover the power I had within me. It was in this center I would read a book called "The Power of Intention". It was in this book I would discover why many of the things that happened to me did. It was in this book I learned why thoughts become things. It was in this book that I was able to walk through a door to another world. A door that led me to understand why I had attracted the negative things in my life, along with the positive. It was only by focusing on the positive that I was able to recognize the beautiful signs the universe was providing me. It was by focusing on the positive I was able to recognize music, books, movies, people, and so many other forms of support I so desperately needed to change my life. As a gay man with a low self-esteem, I needed that support. I needed to know there were people out there like Senator Barack Obama whose words changed my life by helping me change they way I looked at it. It was other authors like Eckhart Tolle, Rosie O'Donnell, Sidney Poitier, don Miguel Ruiz, Ralph Waldo Emmerson, Ram Dass, Elie Wiesel, Louise Hay, Joyce Meyers, Creflo Dollar, and other religious leaders who I turned to help me develop. It was by opening my mind that allowed me to recognize the beautiful words in the midst of the pain.
I also allowed music to change my life. It seemed I could only hear the noise. This noise was everywhere. I lay in my bed face down like I had so many times before and prayed. I prayed to turn this noise into beautiful music. This music I wanted was to help me transform my life a little easier. To provide me with a sound to strike the negativity out of my mind. It was not long till I discovered my prayers were answered in ways I will never be able to describe accurately. The music of Cyndie Lauper, Shawn Colvin, Melissa Etheridge, Kanye West, Madonna, Mary J. Blige, Jay-Z, Dolly Parton, John Mayer, Seal, John Lennon, Joni Mitchell, Dixie Chicks, Foo Fighters, and so many others seemed to surround me like a hurricane and lift me up. It protected me from what seemed like a dangerous world at the time. It provided me with a barrier against the darkness. It still brings me to tears when I think about it.
I began to notice a similar trend in movies. These movies I was falling in love with were changing my life as well. They provided me with answers to life. They provided me with inspiration to believe. They provided me with a way to receive in a manner I would not have received otherwise. These movies were a light. They shine brightly before me at all times. They provided me with balance in many ways. They even provided me with discomfort when they hit a little too close to home. They helped me heal in ways no one will ever know. I am grateful for entertainment companies like Warner Brothers, NBC, Sci-fi, ABC, CBS, Lionsgate, LOGO, Dreamworks, MTV, CNN, VH1, and others for helping me to discover why life is good! It was shows like Hero's that allowed me to escape and learn about philosophy in a completely different way. I am profoundly grateful for them.
I learned a tremendous amount from my job at Walt Disney World. It was at this job I was able to discover and apply many of their philosophies to my own life. To dream, and continue to do so no matter what. I would use my job to get me through the most difficult parts of this journey. I worked in a very busy restaurant. In this restaurant I would locate trash on the floor and pick it up to throw it away. By doing so I would attach many of the lies I had told myself about why I could not become a better citizen and human being. By picking up this trash and throwing it away I discovered the importance of symbolism. I discovered the importance of ridding all the trash we sometimes collect in our minds. This is the same trash that allowed me to ignore the signs. I will always and forever be grateful for Walt Disney World and everything they taught me. They taught me things about life that no other job will ever be able to do. In many ways, Walt Disney World is responsible for saving my life.
Probably the single most important reason for my success is my parents. It was because of the way I was raised that I was able to surrender so quickly. It was because of the way I was raised I was able to look to people like Senator Obama and Oprah Winfrey for support. It was because of the way I was raised that allowed me to read the Bible and apply it to myself in a beautiful way. It was because of the way I was raised that allowed me to recognize I already had the morals and values, I just was not using them. It is because of the way I was raised that allows me to hold my head up high! It was because of the way I was raised that allowed me to believe.
So just like Achilles mother provided him with a shield, my mother and father provided me with one as well. This shield I was provided with consists of everything I needed in order to survive. To protect myself from a somewhat difficult and trying world. On this shield consists of books, movies, music, and other arts that freed me of the terrible slavery I was in at the time. This shield my mother and father gave me will protect me always. It is a shield I can pick up any time I would like. It will remind me of the power a mother and father have on their child. It is a shield that is meant to protect not harm.
About Curtis Zaerr from Orlando, FL:
I am currently living in Orlando, FL. I have lived here for fifteen years now and love the city. I am currently preparing to move to California. I love adventure of all kinds. I enjoy meeting new people, experiences, music, movies, and art. I love just being me. Being me is pretty cool.